Tweens in charge of Defense

By |2018-02-07T05:13:20+00:00February 12th, 2016|Odds and Sods, Travel|

Sources inside both the United States’ Pentagon and the Russian Ministry of Defence today confirmed that two 12-year old #TwitterKind have been in charge of foreign and military policy for the past eleven months. Both officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they feared having their allowances cut if they spoke on the record.

The confirmations came after a #TwitterSpat that broke out yesterday between the two countries. Moscow started the kerfuffle by tweeting that the United States had accused Russia of bombing the city of Aleppo, Syria. Experts note that this initial tweet appeared to be a gratuitous barb, insofar as no one had noticed that the United States had accused anyone of anything particularly heinous recently (the on-going feud between Donald Trump and, well, everyone notwithstanding).

Moscow immediately followed their initial parry with a flurry of tweets categorically denying that they had done any such thing:

Tweet 1-did not did not did not

In explaining how they could not have possibly carried out the air attack, the Ministry tweeted:

The United States tweeted back a Facebook selfie that tagged Sergei and other members of the Russian Defense Ministry. British sources confirm that the photo was taken in the Strategic Command Centre of the Defense Ministry:

Selfie post

Moscow didn’t hesitate in responding with yet another categorical denial:

In a stunning reversal less than an hour later, however, Moscow backed down. In classic tween fashion, Moscow issued a non-admission admission, and then asked for an updated map of the area:

Although it is still unclear who specifically is leading the two countries’ defense programs, confirmation that both ministries are in the hands of young teens goes far to explain many of the actions we have seen over the past eleven months.

Hat tip to @SIOBHAN_OGRADY of @ForeignPolicy: Moscow and Washington Are Tweet-Fighting Over Who Bombed Aleppo

One Comment

  1. Michael Erickson February 15, 2016 at 3:18 pm - Reply

    Delayed in providing a comment but kudos. Very funny. Tip of the hat for the tweets and photos.

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